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Final Words
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Wanted: a sholih man, who ready to sacrifice his wealth, soul and times for family and ummah
Marriage Vision:
to struggle together in world, hoping for meeting in heaven
Marriage Mision:
A. Becoming sholehah wife by giving a “moving” love or a love that will move somebody, not a blunt love.
“Moving love” characteristic:
1. Sincerity because Allah
If love starts and ends because Allah, so love to husband only an effort to show our true love to Allah, personification of a most true heart-worship. Forever give what we can give, bring happiness to people that we love. So because of that, my position is powerful. I don’t have to feel disappointed or humiliated because rejection, or became weak or melancholic when my love died because His destiny. Because, here I am trying to do a glorious and big “soul-work”: Love.
2. A love which makes a husband nearer to Allah, likes Rumaisha binti Milhan loves to her husband which do not fascinated by money or wealth and prefer choose A Syahadah from Abu Thalhah as her wedding dowry. Hence, Allah blesses their wedding and gave them a prize: a happy family and extraordinary children.
Rasul said: “..Allah gives guidance to a man because your effort is better to you than the whole world and its contents.”
3. A love which makes husband grows and develops into better
Hence, I wish my love is: cool, calm but also passionate. And all of the meaning resumed in this word: living.
If I want to love someone deeply, then I have to give him more attention, sincerity accepted him just as he is, then try to develop him with maximum effort, then take care and keep him patiently. That is the great works for the lovers: acquaintance, acceptance, development and care.
Whether I know my husband carefully?
Whether I know his weakness point and strength point?
Whether I recognize his tendency?
Whether I recognize his expression pattern, through his special word by the way he speaks, through his motorist reflexes, through the sign on his face, through his gaze, through his eye angle?
Whether I can feel his soul vibration, when he likes and hates, when he fears and so need protection?
Whether I can see his dream waves, his hope?
Now pay attention on how recognition level of Rasulullah to his wife, Aisyah. There is a time when he said, ”Aisyah, I know the moment when you readiness and the moment when you mad at me. If you readiness you will call me:”Ya Rasulullah!” but if you mad you will call me”Ya Muhammad!”
Is there any differences between Rasulullah and Muhammad, it’s the same object anyway? But Aisyah has given a special meaning when she uses another word for another soul situation. A good recognition has to be completed with the intact acceptance. I must accept him by the way he is. What is often to delay in total acceptance process is a bad recognition or over “obsession” to physical.
I will never be able to love someone deeply unless I accept him by the way he is. And this doesn’t mean that I like his lack and weakness. It is more mean that a lack and weakness are not his final condition of his personality, and there is always a chance to change and develop. With that feeling, a mother sees her baby. What is she hope from a little baby when she takes good care, keep, and develop him? Whether she assures, later the child will repay her kindness? No. everything inside her soul is certainty that her baby have opportunity to change and develop. And because of that she keep a great hope in her hearts that, later time will make everything better. That positive acceptance that bring us to a next step of loving: development.
In the beginning, he is a closed flower bud. When he becomes my husband, enter my private area, becomes father of my children. It is my duty to open that bud calyx, to blow it slowly, so that its bloom becomes flower. It is my duty to watering the flower with kindness water, opened each of my heart doors, so that he can enjoy sunlight that will give him live passion. Only with kindness the flowers will spring.
And the expression “I Love You” might be loses the meaning when it’s surrounded by impolite and undeveloped behaviors. What I give to my husband is opportunity to develop, braveness to see his development without having to feel annoyed. It doesn’t mean I have to give him all he wants, but give what he needs.
But every growth has to remain in balance. And this is the treatment function of the love feels. There may not be any growth that disturbed position and communication. That’s why sometimes I need to cuts something’s elongation in order to remain compatible and harmony.
Life is a symphony that we played beautifully.
Until a moment he will say Iqbal’s poem about his teacher for me:
“…AND HIS LOVE BREATH BLOWS MY BUD… THEN HE BLOOM TO BECOME FLOWER…”
B. Create Rabbani generations and prepare them to become a tough mujahid mujahiddah.
“And let those (executors and guardians) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own, if they had left weak offspring behind. So, let them have Taqwa of Allah and speak truthfully.” (QS. An Nisa : 9)
Two main principles that I will teach to my children:
1. Tawhid / Ma’rifatullah
“And when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.”(QS Luqman:13)
2. Bravery to have a great dream, imagination and always prepared to becomes khalifatullah fil ardh.
Because we are the best people that entitled to lead the earth.
“Every hills, mountain and desserts that I passed, It will always be rememberred, and also I imagine each strategy that I will use, If one moment I have to battle in that place”
That is Khalid ibn Walid expressions when he remembered the strategy which he uses at Yarmuk war. That is the most proud war victory and military achievements which Khalid achieves. That also the most real proof of the title which Rasulullah give to him as Allah sword which always unsheathed.
So, everything begin with an imagination. This not just in military heroes, but also in every story of a heroes. Science finding always starts with imagination. Long time before laboratory test, before theory formulation existed. So that, science fiction always find its context here, that imagination lighthouse has floodlighting every possibility area, and the next thing to do just to proof the possibility. Futurology study also find its context here. Its true that always need help from earlier data. But, those data just a part from the world that formed by imagination.
Every bussines and politic leader also figures of worlds movement also find their power here. What we call vision and creativity now, are the end from the root that we know as imagination.
Read Bill Gates or Ciputra biography, you will find a dreamer. Read biography of John F. Kennedy or Soekarno, then you will find a dreamer. Also read Sayyid Quthb biography, and once more you will find a dreamer.
In the world of thinking, culture and arts. Imagination even become the backbones that support creativity every heroes in this world.
The power of imagination lay on these:
First, on the unlimited possibility area, that chained in imagination area. Its help my children to think in comprehenssive and holistic, to arrange a map of wants and determining the choice of act in very large area.
Second, optimism always born from the large of act area in possibility and from many option to act in every situation.
Third, imagination leads us to act by plan because it’s explained area and gives direction to us about what we have to do.
The facts in the real life:
- comparison of positive and negative comment that will takes by a child is 1:6
Hence, for the goodness of our children, I want my family to give high respect to the value of praiseworthy:
1. Speak in decent words and no bad words.
2. smile culture to every family member
3. high respect to cares
4. helping each other in goodness
5. iffah and shame because Allah
“Dirt in this clothes can be washed, but hurt in your child’s hearts because your anger, how it can be washed?”(From prophet story)
C. Gives the best contribution for people
“The best of you is the most contributing for people”
If loves, by its all kind, is consciousness, is feel, is act, than love in the end is an integrated ability from all of our life’s aspect. The ability to loves is a completed picture from all of his personal capacity. Only people with strong personality and large capacity who can feel love. The weak people, who we can see around us anytime, never feel love. Even to love themselves. Their fate is to waiting for loves and cares from strong people.
Strong people love with all their consciousness. Hence they will keep production goodness. In the other hand, the weak people even don’t have consciousness to love. They keep consuming goodness from strong people. That’s why the strong people in society always be the cohesion factor that bonds society. They bonds society with their loves and goodness. This is the meaning that Rasulullah spreads when he arrives at Medina and start to develop that new country.
“..to every man, spreads greeting, gives food, wake up at night when people sleep, undoubtedly you will enter heaven peacefully.”
Love is a lesson about how to change our personality better, step by step. Lesson about how to be a productive man so he can give to other people, lesson about how to became strong people that cares, lesson about how to spread immortal goodness for the lifes growth of people around us that sometimes ends with no thanks or even rejection.
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